Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Mirrors, Tears and Movin' On!

I am alive!

Just got myself in a bit of a rut again...but seem to be pulling out of it. I started to blog in the midst of it last week but didn't have time to's how it went;

I planned on posting progress pics this past weekend at which time I was 4 weeks out. I was starting to feel pretty good... I picked up my black suit on Friday and didn't think it looked too bad :)

I went to leg camp on Saturday morning and many of the other girls commented on how my legs had come down and that they could see I was leaning out! All was going well until it came time for posing. I started with my shorts over my suit but when Mindi said I either needed to pull them up or take them off I thought..."Ah heck, I've only got 4 weeks left, lets take them off and see the real picture"...that was my BIGGEST mistake! Seeing my butt and back of my legs in those mirrors and that lighting really did me in. It sure doesn't look like that in my mirrors at!?

That was beginning of the road to rutville :S

After camp, posing and 2 hours of cardio I was wiped...physically and mentally. I got home around 3 and immediately put on my pj's and hit the couch (the whole time wondering why the hell I am doing this!)

Sunday was my first 'non rest day' as 2 hours of cardio need to be done now. I know longer have that little break in the week to look forard to...the work just goes on and on...I had a tough time with that as I was already struggling.

Monday I found out that the hotwire had changed thier minds and were no longer going to let me refund & rebook for the hotel that I booked for the wrong weekend...there goes $200 down the drain!

By Tuesday I didn't even want to get out of bed...just the thought of another 200 lunges, 2 hours cardio and the dreaded leg workout was too much to even think about :S I talked myself into at least getting outside and going for a good ol' power walk in the sunshine...that was interesting. The motivational music I had downloaded had me in tears on my!? I was a mess!

I have herad of other girls going through these emotions but this was my first experience with it...not fun!

The good news is that the susnshine brought me outside for many more power walks, I am starting to see some changes, and I seem to be back on track :)

 Here are a few pics I took while walking.
 Don't worry Mindi...I stopped my watch while I took these ;)

The beautiful Spencer Smith park during the day.

And a night shot.

During last nights walk (above) I even threw in some run/sprint intervals and quite enjoyed it!

 Hopefully that will shake things up a bit... time is running out!

I am off for some cardio now...shocking I know :)

 Then I am picking up my pink suit. I will try to post pics!


  1. We all have moments like that, but it doesn't make them any easier! Last week I thought I looked ok and this week I felt HORRIBLE! I hate the games mirrors can play on us. Just keep plugging know you have it inside you.
    BUMMER about the $200 though! Couldn't they at least credit it toward the right weekend? BOO HOTWIRE!!

  2. yeah i agree with becca-we ALL go through those days...geez i remeber last summer i was 3 days out from a show and 2 weeks out from my pro debut and i wanted to throw in the towel and give up. i just felt like i didnt look how i needed to be that close out from show time....
    so just hang in there and keep on truckin along! you will be surprised how you will look this time next week!!!!

  3. My oh My Tawnya!!!
    What you're feeling is totally normal...this is the time you need to dig even deeper and push yourself even more...stay positive and really start focusing...only a few weeks to go....You can do this....Over the last few weeks, your body has definitely changed...Dennis and I are proud of you...
    Positive vibes...

  4. Hey T!!! You have come soooo far girl! I remember when you were thinking of doing a show for the very first time last year, and you rocked it! Dig deep, you will find your focus, passion and energy again. We're all behind you and I am so incredibly proud of you!!!

  5. Great legs!!! Seriously... I am in awe!